pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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