I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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