The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
