I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I puked a lego.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
