So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
