hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
