I feel like abortions should bother me more
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
