Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
