I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
