I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
