ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
