I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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