Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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