she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
