The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
