So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
