im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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