Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
