New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
