I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
