fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
