So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
