what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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