How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
