You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize