o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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