Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
