yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
