I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me