Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas. http://tfl.nu/grxp
  Replies (41) Good night (4780) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore http://tfl.nu/xlhh
  Replies (65) Good night (2261) Bad night (5166)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (5344) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights http://tfl.nu/27p8
  Replies (21) Good night (3206) Bad night (2584)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date... http://tfl.nu/r091
  Replies (10) Good night (1362) Bad night (3899)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x
  Replies (4) Good night (2736) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free http://tfl.nu/3j31
  Replies (8) Good night (4581) Bad night (1661)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough http://tfl.nu/k0hj
  Replies (5) Good night (954) Bad night (1718)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq
  Replies (48) Good night (5267) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good. http://tfl.nu/spab
  Replies (1) Good night (1300) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style. http://tfl.nu/uibp
  Replies (3) Good night (339) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): So when this rash is gone wanna hang out? http://tfl.nu/osys
  Replies (5) Good night (345) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus http://tfl.nu/js0c
  Replies (12) Good night (1849) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that http://tfl.nu/ocbs
  Replies (0) Good night (783) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire. http://tfl.nu/eow7
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (256)

Randomize