I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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