i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.