the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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