speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
