she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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