i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
