dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
