he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
