That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Who put my cat in the fridge?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
