hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
