Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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