What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize