don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
