Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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