Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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