Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
