I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know her cup size but not her name....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
