What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
