the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We are two peas in an std pod
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize