remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
