Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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