Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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