So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Every concussion has its silver lining
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
