So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
