Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
