He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Houston, we have a blender
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
