3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I understand Curling. That high.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
