Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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