I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
