just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
