I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am in a vortex of obligation.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
