We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
