the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
