After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
