you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
