Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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