Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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