The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
