I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
