When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
