If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize