Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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