Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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